Mother's Day

I have to be honest here.  I usually don't come here and post the heavier things that are on my mind.  Mostly because I don't think people are interested in my long and winding thoughts and ramblings.  I try to stick to the superficial and sweet stuff.  Today is different.

I know this may sound irrational to most, but I really dislike Mother's Day.

Most of you may know (or maybe you don't) that I spent a bunch of years absolutely dreading this day.  Years of infertility made today extremely painful and isolating.  I spent most of them sad, angry, bitter and heartbroken.  I always thought if I even had kids of my own, today would so much easier.  So much happier.  I would be cured.  And in most ways, I am.  I cannot even gather the words to express my gratefullness for my girls.  They have made me happy beyond measure and have given me new life.  I love them with every breath in me and am thankful for them every single day.  Even the days I want to pull my hair out and run away from home.

It even surprises me how much those feelings comes to the surface today.  Infertility scars you.  It never really goes away.  Today was kind of like the bandaid got ripped off.  I can't help but remember what today felt like for all of those years.  In most ways, I do feel like I am healed, but I know I never really will be.  It's always there.  Honestly, most days I am just fine and don't even think about it... much.  But really, every single time I look at them, I remember how close my life to came to being without them.  Today is a tangible reminder.

I hugged them and told them I loved them many, may times today.  I ooohed and ahhhed over the flowers and cards they got me and the planter Sofia painted for me a preschool.  (I'll keep it forever.)  I made them sit in my lap long beyond what either of them really wanted to.  I actually sat for pictures with them.  (I'll post them later.)  I made myself snap out of it and enjoy the day with the best Mother's Day present ever.  My two, beautiful girls.  And in the end, today was a good day.

Happy Mother's Day to you all!