Awakening

Remember when I said I would be back in a couple of days?  Apparently, I lied.  I didn't mean to.  So, if I meant it when I said it, I guess technically it's not lying. 

I've taken a bit of a break from the computer lately.  Well, as much of a break as one can take while having an iphone.  They make it way too convenient to check emails and facebook.  The blogging? Notsomuch.
 
I can't say we've had nothing going on lately because it seems there has been a ton going on.  We have had some work done to the house.  Our living room is done.  I know you don't believe me.  You probably think I don't even have a living room.  I do.  And it's lovely.  And when I get off my booty and get pictures off my 3 cameras, I might be able to show you.  I think I spent so long trying to perfect my photography skills, that I still have hard time just "taking a picture".  Except with my phone, which has lately become my camera of choice.  Sad.  The point is, I have plenty of pictures on my cameras, but I have this weird thought process of thinking I need to edit everything to perfection and I am burned out on PhotoShop so I just talk myself out of doing it.  Instead, I have thrown myself into prettying up my home and turning over the accessories for fall.  (I did my fall mantel in late August.  I just couldn't take it anymore.) 

My kitchen is the best it has ever looked.  I purged a ton of stuff and finally have surfaces!  I've gotten so sick of the magnitude of stuff and it felt good to clean things out.  I've done the same thing to the girls' closets.  I have piles of clothes and housewares in the garage ready to go charity.  (We talked ourselves out of a garage sale.) We have also decided to finally part with the baby gear.  The high chair.  The pack n play.  The walker.  The stroller.  I figure, we got almost 5 years use of this stuff and I know there are others that could use it.  I know if for some reason (and by some miracle) we have another baby, we will have to start from scratch.  It's a chance I am willing to take.  We just don't have the room to store it anymore and in a way, it haunts me to know it's there.  But, that's another story for another day.

Lately, I have just been looking at life differently.  I have signed one too many memorial pages and read one too many obituaries in the last couple of months.  Seriously, we have been surrounded by death.  Any many of them were unexpected and young.  I think I have re-evaluated things.  I know so many people say that when someone close to them passes away.  It's human nature.  I certainly hope this feeling of awakening doesn't fade.  I pay more attention to details now.  I could care less if my laptop is charged.  I don't drool over new camera bodies online.  I'm not out shopping for tons of cute clothes for the girls.  (Well. I am shopping for them and of course the clothes have to be cute, but it's not the hobby it was before.)  I am taking so much more pride in my home than other "stuff" because my home and my family are what matter to me.  I want my home to be lovely and peaceful and free of stress (if that's possible) and a place where we can create memories and my girls feel safe and loved and secure.  And where Jose and I can escape everything out there...

Sure, I have some crazy radical ideas.  Short lived ones, for one reason or another.  I've wondered what it would be like to just get rid of our tvs.  We spend too much time parked in front of them.  But, honestly, right now, who am I kidding?  I use them as babysitters like most mothers.  More than I'd care to admit.  And I would really miss Grey's Anatomy, The Office and football.  I love to watch football.  It's part of what I love about fall.  So, I thought maybe I'd just nix the ones in the bedrooms.  But then what would I use to bribe and threaten Sofia?  And I have insomnia, so my DVR keeps me company when the rest of the house is asleep.

I've been cooking a lot lately.  Like, from scratch.  Ok, not everything, but way more than I ever have in my life.  And I really enjoy it.  I wish I could just create recipes on my own, but I am not nearly that adventurous.  I like to cook.  I just don't like to eat.  Too bad my waist line doesn't reflect that.  So, I have considered trying to buy natural and organic when possible,  But again, the lack of creativity keeps me from spending that money.  I do buy fresh fruits and vegetables and on occasion, I pick out organic stuff.  But usually, I just buy the affordable stuff.  But, it's little fantasy I have.  To cook completely with all natural stuff and not fill my family with processed crap that my poor body seems to be addicted to.  My kids must have better eating habits than their mother.  And it's now or never.

Maybe someday I'll implement some of these changes.  Or others.  I have new ideas every night.  Maybe I won't.  Who knows?  Today my goal is to be a good wife and mom.  My family is happy.  Things are good.  Not perfect by any stretch of the imagination.  But for now, we have our health and our home (I swear, it exists!) and we're together.  That has taken on a whole new level of importance in the last few months.  Tonight, I am just thankful that my girls are sleeping soundly, warm in their beds.  And I have my wonderful husband lying next to me. And tomorrow, I may wake up with some new, short lived idea. 

I'm dying my hair this weekend, so that's as radical as I am getting right now.